Good days...

Somedays, everything just feels good. Maybe I just havent done anything to make my day seem bad yet, but it just feels like everything is in a good place right now. I like it alot. And I feel like going to the library to pick up some cds.

So, goodbye.

Lollapalooza Line Up Released Today!!!

Oh my goodness... I just saw the line up for lollapalooza this year, and its good. There are some really good bands that are going to be there...once again Perry Ferrel, you have yet to disappoint me with your choice in music. I'm so super excited...and it's going to be Aaron's first lollapalooza!!! eck....such a great line up!
Theivery Corporation, The Killers, Beastie Boys, Jane's Addiction, The Decemberists, Of Montreal, Artic Monkeys, Silversun Pickups, Kaiser Chiefs, Peter Bjorn and John (YAY! since I'm missing their show on Friday because of work)....
OH MY GOSH! that is just to name a handful of the Lolla awesomeness...
Some bands will be a second time, and some will be a first, but once again...such a great line up.

Everything is in super speed

Everything seems to be moving in super speed. It seems a little crazy. I run in a marathon in 12 days and I'm not ready at all. That totally snuck up on me. I looks like I'll just be doing a half marathon and doing a horrible time on it. Oh well.

Anyways moving on to some better news. This morning when I was being unfocused and doing my world lit posting, I stumbled onto craigslist where I found a 2003 Kawasaki Ninja 250. I have my fingers crossed, but I'm a little nervous since the post has been up there since March30-31, that maybe it has already been sold, and the post was never taken down. Any who... I replied to the ad, saying I was interesting and asking if we could set up some time to come by and check it out. I really really really hope today is my lucky day.

I recall there be a few more things I wanted to say... but alas they slip my mind.

I can't believe its almost May...
Oh yes, I remember one of the things but it seems pointless to type it all out, since it's just me contemplating my options in my head, but here it goes anyways.
As soon as I get the chance to move out, having 2 potential roommates and wanting to get a house together, in the discussion of it, it has almost talked me out of seeing the point in moving out.
I mean dont get me wrong I would love love love to move out, but in weighing it fully, with the financial burden of moving out it seems not worth the cost.
Having a discussion about how none of us will ever really be there...like i'll be with ___ most of the time, you'll be with ___ most of the time, and she'll be with ___ most of the time, it wont ever be all of us here at the same time. So then why do we need 4 bedrooms, a basement, and all this space if not more than 1 person is home at a time. Also, in getting a house then I'll have to buy furinture which is expense and I cant afford, and I still have my crappy Starbucks job, and am having no luck with finding an opening at a bank (which I am going to continue and broaden my search tomorrow). Yeah, if I moved out, I would barely be able to cover rent from month to month with my current job. So unless I get some stellar paying job, I really think moving out is completely out of the question.

Also I was thinking...I really want a motorcycle, and I really want to travel a lot, since I am the most un-traveled person ever, I would really like to go some place that I've never been before, and if I weren't blowing my entire paycheck on rent each month, that would be possible.

I honestly want to know how other people do it...live on their own, afford the things they do, go to and pay for school. It blows my mind... but then again I don't want to live the rest of my life in debt, and I didnt grow up as a spoiled rich kid, so I guess I'll just have to continue the way I have been.

What a long day...classes, home for a little bit, then tutoring, then work till 11:30.
UGH... I will definately not miss the HORRIBLE hours I work at Starbucks when I leave.

Let me think...

Let me think...
What to talk about exactly...
Ohhh yes. My rant about Easter bullshit. So today is Easter, that's nice, Jesus was a zombie yada yada yada... but someone please tell me why everything has to fucking shut down for the entire day. I had to work, why couldnt all of them. Please dont tell me that for one day (actually two, let's inlcude Christmas here too) the world actually turns into this god loving place where everyone supposidly doesnt work and worships a zombie Jesus and whatever. That is a bunch of bullshit. I had an awesome Sunday shift (8am-3pm) which RARELY happens, and I wanted to go out and get somethings accomplished...like buy a new alarm clock...but ohhh nooooo....not even target was open.

HUFF.

Okay time for some random thoughts...
>Yay for Lollapalooza. I have tickets, a hotel, and an AMAZING guy to go with me :)
>I get to go out of town this weekend...that makes me happy.
>My parents have all of a sudden begun to C-H-I-L-L the fuck out.
>Trying to decide how many classes I would like to take/can afford to take this summer.
>Crossing my fingers for a job as a bank teller. I've applied for quite a few positions.
>I hate people that create drama/problems when there is nothing there. (I'm sure I am guilty of this at times.)
>I HATE doctors...and I should probably go to get checked up for some stuff, but I'm absolutely terrified of doctors.
>I really need to do some spring cleaning, but it's really hard to lock myself in a room for atleast a good solid 48 hrs to get this shit all cleaned up. What's the point of having a clean room, all i do is sleep and change clothes here.
>I need bookshelves.

That's probably it for now I guess.

Hmmm....

Headache

I have a really bad headache,
and everything just feels like its falling apart.

And I just feel really depressed right now.

Vivid Dreams

I had the most vivid dream last night...
I had a dream that my dad died...
and so did my grandma.
It was really strange.

Well yesterday my dad called me and told me I need to make it to a "meeting" at 8pm today. Well I dont feel like going to talk to them, because its completely a mute point. It will just be all of our usual fights which they've fully expressed themselves on so it would just be a waste of time. So I texted my dad just now and told him that and he said sorry to hear that.

Oh apparently i'm "really unhappy." Um damn straight!


How is my life such a rollercoaster. Everything is AMAZING and then it just flies off the tracks and crashes.

Email arguements

What a gloomy, cold, rainy, nasty Monday.
At least the weekend was pretty amazing.
Well I dont really know what else to say about this but I really hate fighting/tension/agruements/etc. Today my mom and I went back and forth about my dad going to lollapalooza with me. Well apparently (I'm not sure when) I said that I didnt want him to go with me after I was 18. Without taking my plans or feelings into consideration he said he would not go with me this year. So now that I've made other plans he changed his mind and has asked me if he could go with me and I keep telling him NO! Well he had my mom send me some sob email about bonding time and other bullshit like that seeing if I would reconsider going with him and I said NOPE!

I hate it when people use things and hang it over your head.
So I was allowed to stay out for the first time this weekend (for one night). This is the first time this has happened in 4 years. Now it is being used against me like, "see we let you stay out for the night." But they even told me it was a one time thing and it wont be happening again. If they really wanted to use that shit against me just let me do what I fcking want and stay out of my life because I hate you both.

I've always said I hate my parents and people just say "ohhh thats not true you'd be so sad if something happened to them." But honestly, as horrible as it is, if you only knew the things I've gone through, I would feel no remorse if something happened to them. I just hope they compensate me well in their wills, because this is complete bullshit if I put up with this shit and get shafted in their wills.



I think this post is very fitting of the nasty weather today.

So much going on

Where to begin.
Okay so family vacation. Yikes! Bad idea. I cannot stand my family and that will be my last family vacation. And it made me realize once again I absolutely HATE living with them. And once again we got into another right about how apparently its this huge worry about whether I'm going to get through school... hmm I made all A's this quarter, geez whiz I'd be pretty worried too.
WHAT THE FUCK!?
I think my only motivation to do well in school is to do well enough to get the FUCK OUTTA HERE! I hate my parents, and that kind of makes me sad. Hearing other people tell me that they wish I was their daughter really sucks. My parents have never been happy with me, and its like why couldn't I have been someone else's daughter. At least they would appreciate me.
The way I'm talked to by them you would think I was some knocked-up-crack-head-meth-lab-running-prostitute. I'm so glad I'm nothing more than some huge disappointment to them.

Yeah... I'm really unhappy with that whole situation. Which that I guess transitions into my next thing. The only reason I'm living with them is my financial situation. I can't afford to move out.

I don't make shit working at Starbucks, and now they are fucking people over with hours, for the past month I haven't even averaged 20 hrs a week. I need to get another job. I would really like to get a job as a bank teller. But as much as I'm hating Starbucks right now, I would really miss the security of knowing what to expect there. I guess I'm for once in my life afraid of some change. But I know it's needed. And who knows maybe if I get a job at a bank I might make more than Starbucks and maybe maybe maybe if KARMA doesnt hate my guts I might be able to move out before I'm out of college.

Then I'd actually get to grow up. That would be a change I would welcome with open arms. I feel like I'm never going to get to grow up from being this 14 yr old girl whos parents watch her every move. I absolutely hate it.

Maybe I should just become the knocked-up-crack-head-meth-lab-running-prostitute they think I am. They've always been so disappointed in me, maybe I should just confirm it for them.

but this just made me kinda smile...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtX8nswnUKU

well yeah vacation...was stressful to say the least.
But I canoed! :) that made me happy.

Hmm... what else is on my mind.
School= classes 3 days a weeks, me likey...
Work= so much drama...but what do you expect in a store full of women
Home= miserable...but that's been my entire life so nothing new there...
Weather= its amazing
Friendships= perfectly content
Love life = for once...i actually have absolutely NO complains in this area. (thank you)

I really like the song "Story of a girl" ...
Wow PERFECT song for my mood right now... ABSOLUTELY perfect!

Well this blog thing did its purpose...
I feel much better now.
*sigh*
:)